His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
