Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
