At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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