STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Randomize
