Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
