also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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