There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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