If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
