My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
