I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
