I'm gonna have a badass scar
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
