I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
