OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize