I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
