Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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