1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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