i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You are the jesus of drinking
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
