Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You ruined the universe
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
