the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
