Do you still have your period?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
