Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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