Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize