I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
