hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
