i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
this is an emotional support booty call
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
