I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
