who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
