He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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