it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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