Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
