apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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