I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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