i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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