So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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