You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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