I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
