She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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