just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
