well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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