well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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