drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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