My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Quick, to the slutcave!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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