and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I want her autograph on my taint
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
