the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
