found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
babies were throwing up all over the place
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
