I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
