I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
