When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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