Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize