..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Is Oprah even human
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
