She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
