Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
