Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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