I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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