yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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