Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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