1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
