hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
