Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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