I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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