marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
