When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
