Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I am available for nakedness
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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