Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
