Im at strip club and am horny
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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