He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize