never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
